i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
