Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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