last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
