god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
