She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You made out with two different species that night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
