god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
