We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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