There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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