Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
whose ass print is on the piano?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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