Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
