my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
