So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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