Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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