I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
