just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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