I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
