I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize