My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You made out with two different species that night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
