Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!