whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole