It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting