i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
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I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.