"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
