just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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