see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
