I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
