More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
