i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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