Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
