I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
NoShamevember. You game?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
