now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
