Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't deserve a penis
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
