Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think my fart just growled at me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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