Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
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You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
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Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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