I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
