great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
