You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
