I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
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I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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