Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
