I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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