I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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