walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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