I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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