I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
