two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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