sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was not drunk enough for that final.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
