even my farts smell like vagina
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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