mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A+ Viking dick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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