Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
