About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
