I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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