He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
