i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
