you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
