i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
