I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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