did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
