12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
