hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
