you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
