broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
