I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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