I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I believe in your delicious
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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