his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
