I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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