we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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