My sheets look like a crime scene.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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