Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize